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Author Topic: Thy Dungeonman Returns... Again  (Read 6937 times)

Tavros

  • he was hello
« on: May 12, 2014, 09:15:36 AM »
You are a magical talking gun named W. You are looking for your previous friend and guardian. You have no idea where he is, but he said something about Footprints and Pepto Bismuth.

What do?
>
« Last Edit: May 12, 2014, 09:22:10 AM by Tavros »
read jitsu wa watashi wa

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2014, 11:06:47 AM »
>look
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2014, 08:35:48 AM »
You can't look. Guns don't have eyes, remember? However, you can sense your surroundings.

Sense?
>
read jitsu wa watashi wa

« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2014, 03:03:22 PM »
Y

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2014, 08:14:24 AM »
You sense your surroundings. You're in your house, with your loving kids and husband. Your senses tell you that your friend is calling for you. You want to get to him, but have some errands to run.

What do?
>
read jitsu wa watashi wa

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2014, 01:36:40 PM »
> Blow off to-do list and go to the movies
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2014, 01:53:42 PM »
You are blocked from entering the theater, as there is a strict no-firearms rule.

What do?
>

« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2014, 03:40:28 PM »
>Pirate movies
YYur  waYur n beYur you Yur plusYur instYur an Yur Yur whaYur

« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2014, 03:57:04 PM »
You are now connected to thepirateb- Wait, saying that website's URL going to get me banned. Uh, thepirateship.fml. That site.

Which torrent?
>

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #9 on: May 14, 2014, 04:01:29 PM »
> Aladdin, 1080p
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

« Reply #10 on: May 16, 2014, 02:31:33 PM »
Downloading...
100 [====================]
Download complete.
Seed?
>

« Reply #11 on: May 16, 2014, 05:05:29 PM »
>_No
YYur  waYur n beYur you Yur plusYur instYur an Yur Yur whaYur

« Reply #12 on: May 16, 2014, 05:34:10 PM »
Of course you wouldn't.

Continue BITTORRENT operations?
>

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2014, 12:55:32 AM »
> Get torrent for Reservoir Dogs while gun-sense-watching Aladdin
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2014, 08:51:36 AM »
You download it. You feel more and more like a pirate. You'd wear your kid's Halloween costume, but you don't know where it is. You're also halfway through Aladdin, but really feel like watching Reservoir Dogs.

Stop Aladdin with Gun Telepathy™?
>
read jitsu wa watashi wa

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #15 on: May 21, 2014, 12:47:51 AM »
> don't tell me what I think or feel, I will watch Blue Robin Williams do genie magic until the credits roll
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

« Reply #16 on: May 21, 2014, 06:58:57 AM »
Dude, it's been days. You've watched Aladdin 67 times already. Please stop before I have to take action.

>

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #17 on: May 21, 2014, 08:23:32 AM »
>stop and think about how I was going to run some errands and save my legal guardian but instead watched Aladdin 67 times.
read jitsu wa watashi wa

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #18 on: May 21, 2014, 05:27:18 PM »
You think about it.

Suddenly, three animate skeletons kick the door down.

"No time to talk! Get in the car!" says a skeleton.

What do?

>
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

« Reply #19 on: May 21, 2014, 05:50:35 PM »
>sense for badges

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #20 on: May 21, 2014, 08:34:10 PM »
While you are distracted, two of the skeletons grab you and throw you in what feels like a car, then race off at a high speed. You are rattling around on the floor of what seems to be a car.

What?

>
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

« Reply #21 on: May 21, 2014, 08:52:30 PM »
>ask where they're taking me

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #22 on: May 21, 2014, 09:06:54 PM »
You fire a few blanks to convey your query in morse code.

"All we can tell you now is that the skeleton president needs your help."

>
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

« Reply #23 on: May 21, 2014, 11:29:21 PM »
>wait until truck arrives at the skeleton executive mansion while gun sensing the scenery and license plate of the van

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #24 on: May 28, 2014, 08:44:55 AM »
You wait. And sense. Seems to be your life now. When you arrive, you gun-sense-see™ that the animate skeleton president isn't jolly, but instead being attacked by polar bears and volcano dogs.

Initiate Battle?
>
read jitsu wa watashi wa

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #25 on: May 28, 2014, 02:51:59 PM »
> Peruse character sheet
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #26 on: May 28, 2014, 03:32:47 PM »
There's you, a shadow similar to the person you were supposed to find, and C-3PO. Also Charizard.

What do?
>
read jitsu wa watashi wa

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #27 on: May 28, 2014, 08:30:33 PM »
>Do C-3PO
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #28 on: May 29, 2014, 08:51:03 AM »
Despite him being a robot, you manage to do it. Infidel.

Choose Character?
>
read jitsu wa watashi wa

« Reply #29 on: May 29, 2014, 04:55:55 PM »
> Choose shadow similar to the person you were supposed to find
Kinopio is the ultimate video game character! Who else can drive a kart, host parties, play tennis, give good advice and items, and is almost always happy??

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #30 on: May 31, 2014, 06:00:41 AM »
A buzzing noise is emitted. When you return to the main screen, you are a man made of bees.

What do?
>
read jitsu wa watashi wa

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #31 on: May 31, 2014, 02:20:11 PM »
> Allocate bees from entire left arm to right hand, make large fist, Big Buzz Punch
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #32 on: June 01, 2014, 11:12:04 AM »
Punch whom?
>
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #33 on: June 01, 2014, 03:19:57 PM »
> One of the volcano dogs
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #34 on: June 01, 2014, 06:10:18 PM »
You punch a volcano dog, stinging it over one thousand times and killing it painfully (12% of your bee-arm has died in the process as well). As you are doing so, one of the polar bears grabs the skeleton president's patellas in its mouth and runs off.

"GULLDURNIT, W!" she screams, "FETCH MY PATELLAS!"

>
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #35 on: June 02, 2014, 01:03:13 AM »
> Aim for the head
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #36 on: June 02, 2014, 10:28:36 AM »
Whose head?
>
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #37 on: June 02, 2014, 01:15:23 PM »
> Who's head
read jitsu wa watashi wa

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #38 on: June 12, 2014, 10:41:53 PM »
By sheer coincidence, William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, Jon Pertwee, Tom Baker, Peter Davison, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy, Paul McGann, Christopher Eccleston, David Tennant, Matt Smith, Peter Capaldi, and Julie Andrews have all just walked in. You're going to have to be more specific.

Which Who?

>
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #39 on: June 13, 2014, 08:26:35 AM »
> Smithy Matt
read jitsu wa watashi wa

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #40 on: March 11, 2016, 10:28:09 PM »
You shoot bees at Smithy Matt's head and make it explode. The skeleton president's patellas were inside! She'll be needing those. The patellas land on Smithy Matt's anvil.

What?

>
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #41 on: March 12, 2016, 05:09:20 PM »
>Use patellas to bludgeon David to death
read jitsu wa watashi wa

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #42 on: March 12, 2016, 06:00:22 PM »
Upon examining the patellas more closely, you see that they broke on impact with the anvil. The skeleton president has not been drinking her milk. They would not withstand an assault on the much harder bone of David Tennant's skeleton.

The Whos are closing in on you. The polar bear who put the patellas in Smithy Matt's head is waking up from its hibernation.

>
« Last Edit: March 12, 2016, 06:02:29 PM by CrossEyed7 »
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #43 on: March 12, 2016, 08:03:25 PM »
>Use forbidden technique: Big Buzz Bang
read jitsu wa watashi wa

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #44 on: March 12, 2016, 09:09:19 PM »
Several bees target Jon Pertwee's chest in a vertical line and pull open a hole. More bees do the same, holding open layer after layer until there is a clear path to the heart. A cloud of bees surround the heart and sting it, causing it to swell, because as you know the heart has the same properties as skin flesh and reacts to bee venom in the same way. The pulsating boils rapidly grow, as the blood organ pushes aside the lungs, pressing them into the ribs until the pressure is so great that they're squeezed through in pieces. The grotesque heart fills the ribcage, cracking it, breaking it, and finally...

BANG!

you sick *******

>
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #45 on: March 12, 2016, 10:02:43 PM »
>Threaten the other Whos
read jitsu wa watashi wa

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #46 on: March 12, 2016, 10:22:54 PM »
Julie Andrews pulls a spoonful of sugarwater out of her bag, attracting many of the bees that make up your body. 70% of your bees are now passed out drunk on sugarwater in front of Julie Andrews. You are currently made of 83 bees and have only one bee-limb. Julie Andrews and the other Whos do not seem moved by your threats.

>
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #47 on: March 13, 2016, 07:39:47 AM »
>Use the remaining bees to get inside the Whos' heads and sting their brains until an inevitable and painful death.
They were warned.
read jitsu wa watashi wa

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #48 on: March 13, 2016, 01:52:16 PM »
You're out of bees. You were a literal hive mind and now your component creatures are all dead or free of your influence. You

You are not a thing anymore.

This one's gonna be tough to come back from.

>
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #49 on: March 13, 2016, 02:17:57 PM »
>Become the collective consciousnesses of the dying Whos by taking over their brains with my venom and use their combined intellect to come up with a way to not die
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #50 on: March 13, 2016, 07:22:35 PM »
You become the Whos.
Congratulations, now hundreds of thousands of teenage girls are obsessed with you having gay relationships.
Hope you're happy.
On the flip side, the Whos are smart enough to open the character sheet and switch back to W.
>
read jitsu wa watashi wa

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #51 on: March 13, 2016, 08:54:52 PM »
>Shoot the Whos
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #52 on: March 14, 2016, 01:44:57 AM »
You twirl yourself around and line them all up perfectly. BANG!

Headshot! Double kill! Dominating! Revenge! Stylish! Berserk! Your accomplishments ring out. You win.

>
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #53 on: March 14, 2016, 03:22:59 PM »
>Pick up skeleton president's shattered patellas
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #54 on: March 14, 2016, 04:06:14 PM »
Using carefully aimed shots, you launch the president's patellas into the air and on to yourself.
Now all you have to do is fix them.
Somehow.
>
read jitsu wa watashi wa

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #55 on: March 14, 2016, 05:30:32 PM »
>i
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #56 on: March 14, 2016, 05:42:19 PM »
You have:
Infinite Bullets
C-3PO
A Poké Ball containing Charizard
An image of the bee man (he will be missed)
A hyperspace hammer (of the non large-and-wooden kind)
>
read jitsu wa watashi wa

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #57 on: March 14, 2016, 05:46:27 PM »
>Use Poké Ball
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #58 on: March 14, 2016, 05:56:34 PM »
By bucking around and hitting the button with your barrel, you summon Charizard from the Poké Ball. Despite throwing it without a plan, the Charizard inside seems to know what it needs to do.
And do it it does, as somehow just putting the pieces together seemed to fix them.
Maybe now you can focus on getting the rest of the president.
>
read jitsu wa watashi wa

CrossEyed7

  • i can make this whatever i want; you're not my dad
« Reply #59 on: March 14, 2016, 10:38:42 PM »
>north
"Oh man, I wish being a part of a Mario fan community was the most embarrassing thing about my life." - Super-Jesse

BP

  • Beside Pacific
« Reply #60 on: March 15, 2016, 01:19:25 AM »
Deadpool, voiced by Nolan North, joins your party. He signals his arrival by doing something inappropriate and pointing out that this game has no voice acting, urging you to instead hear Nolan North's voice in your head when you read anything he says in the future.

>
All your dreeeeeeams begiiin to shatterrrrrr~
It's YOUR problem!

Tavros

  • he was hello
« Reply #61 on: March 15, 2016, 01:56:58 PM »
>Keep Deadpool in the party, keeping him underleveled so he won't be viable at all.
read jitsu wa watashi wa

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