Author Topic: Here it promised  (Read 11107 times)

« on: August 14, 2003, 12:54:39 AM »
Please post any criticism, constructive or just to criticize, i can take it. But don't hold back on anything good either.

Chapter 1- It Disappears…
   It was Mario’s first time with a sword, and he didn’t know what to think. It was no problem fighting off the goombas, but he was curious how he would fight the koopas. He used the fire flower in his pocket to destroy the koopas. He wiped the sweat off of his forehead and for the first time, he took in the scenery.

     He turned his head to the left and saw Goombario’s house down the ¼ mile trail. The path was lined with strange flowers. He had never really been down here often; he decided this was the best place to come to train with Jynx. Besides, the enemies were weaker here, if there were any to appear without the remote. He looked to his right, and looked up at the sky where Bowser’s floating castle would’ve been, when he lifted Peach’s and his castle into the air when he stole the star rod. He realized he was just delaying his training, he let out a big sigh and pressed the button on the remote Geno had given him. “Hmmm…better start small with goombas.”

     It was Geno’s idea to get Mario to train with a sword in the first place. He remembered what Geno told him when he received it. “This remote creates an illusion that is generated using the star power emitted rom you. You can create the illusion of ANYONE you’ve fought, yes, including Bowser, so be careful. And always remember these monsters will be intent on killing you. If you ever need to terminate them, hit this button.” He pointed to a green button on the bottom of the remote. “AND, don’t let it fall into the wrong hands. You know exactly who I’m talking about.” These words echoed in the back of Mario’s mind. It kind of scared him actually. Suddenly he snapped back to reality.

     â€œMario!!...Mario, snap out of it! We have to focus on your training if you want to get good with a sword. But the problem was he didn’t want to get good with a sword. Why don’t you try a few simple combos with your sword at first, like simple slice combos, like this” Jynx went through several motions, he slices sideways then hit with the butt of his sword, kicked, then came down with his sword. The small shrub he did that to remained in tatters. “Ok, here we go.” He thought of the enemy he wanted, a goomba, and pushed the red button six times, and took his clumsy stance. The warm wind blew his cap up, and almost off, his nose itched because his mustache was blowing too. He stood with his legs spread slightly apart and the sword in both hands, his style was sluggish and clumsy, but he easily took the first goomba with a single slice and it just dissipated into nothing. The next two charged him, and he got this sudden spontaneous burst of imaginative attacks. He spin jumped into the air while holding his sword down, kind of like a drill, bounced off of it, did a flip and came down with his sword. The next 3 goombas came all at once, quickly he used the spare feather he always kept under his hat, and spun with the sword held out, taking them all at once. The sensei was awe-stricken at Mario’s crafty performance.

     The next day rumors spread throughout Mushroom Kingdom of Mario’s newfound ability with a sword, people far and wide want to know how good the skills of “Super” Mario really are. But Mario decided to turn everyone down…he wasn’t too confident in his skills. One after another people flooded to the Mushroom Kingdom from places like Rose Town, Yoshi’s Island, and the much uninhabited Forest of Illusion.

     â€œI don’t understand it, Toad, Mario always said he disliked sword, then he just goes off and becomes one of the best swordsmen in all of Mushroom Kingdom! But, that just makes me adore him even more!” Peach gawked at how great Mario was. She let out a big sigh. “And he still hasn’t proposed to me! Grrrr! He always gets me so aggravated!” She turned around and looked at Toad pouting to him, hoping Toad could comfort her, but instead there was no Toad. “Toad, Where are you?” Peach went through the entire castle looking for him but she still couldn’t find him. She went to ask the Chancellor where Toad was…maybe he sent him on an errand. But the entire castle was empty; it was always empty like this on slow days. It wouldn’t be so unusual if Toad wasn’t missing…Toad was always there when she called for him. This was when she started to worry…She went outside to check to see if anyone could tell her what was happening, but the minute she stepped one foot outside, she plunged into darkness…

      KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! “I don’t want to fight anyone!! Go away!” Mario was very grumpy, the knocks woke him up. He sat up and looked around, forgetting he slept in the living room. The night before, he had come in very weary that night. Jynx decided to surprise him with a little sneak attack from the remote that he snuck out of Mario’s pocket, and after he had just taken out the last Chargin’ Chuck, Jynx called out a whole bunch of boos, he couldn’t count how many, though. There was a trick to killing them too, he either had to do a back flip and slice down, or somehow stab him backwards and make contact, either way is inaccurate and difficult to perform. KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! The knocking brought him to reality; he noticed he’d been day dreaming a lot lately. “I’m coming! But I’m not going to fight you!” Toad busted in totally unexpectedly and knocked Mario clear on his rump. “Mario!.” Toad was heaving in and out. “Mario! The castle! *heave* It just disappeared into nowhere! We all just fell from where we were standing! The princess is gone! And there are many injured!” Mario was taken aback at this, and just sat in silence. “Why are they injured?” Mario wasn’t thinking clearly. “There were people on the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th floors, mostly, they hurt their legs, but most importantly THE PRINCESS IS MISSING!!!” Mario, still absorbing the info just realized the love of his life was gone. “This must be the work of Bowser!!”

To deny our own impulses, is to deny the very thing that makes us human.

Edited by - gunblade88 on 8/14/2003 8:00:27 AM


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« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2003, 08:35:45 AM »
Your story is as cool as yogurt on a winter morning.  (that's a compliment.)

Hamster Sauce!  Yay!
"Hello Kitty is cool, but I like Keroppi the best."

« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2003, 08:52:07 AM »
thanks alot!!:)

To deny our own impulses, is to deny the very thing that makes us human.

« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2003, 09:08:26 AM »
cool story. A very unique idea. keep writing.

The world would be a much cleaner place if people would eat their own trash.
"At Dukar, we place our emphasis on serving you, supporting
you, and helping you be as successful as possible."

« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2003, 05:18:42 PM »
it'll be any where from 4 days to a week before I post my next chapter, seeing as im not done with it.

To deny our own impulses, is to deny the very thing that makes us human.

« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2003, 01:45:51 AM »
Great story this is exactly what I want.
Suicide:The answer to all life''s problems!

« Reply #6 on: August 15, 2003, 08:44:11 AM »
wow..thanks, this really motivates me!!

To deny our own impulses, is to deny the very thing that makes us human.

« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2003, 08:06:19 PM »
sorry, going back to school, kinda side tracked me. i have an ouper amount of homeword...ON THE FIRST DAY!!! that really stinks. if only i had a class where i could do nothing, unfortunately i don't so all of you people out there reading, be patient, and i will post it soon.

If winners never quit, and quitters never win, who made the saying "Quit while you''re still ahead"?

« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2003, 08:31:49 PM »
wow, it's been awhile...sorry for not posting any more of my going on vacation tomorrow, and it's just the weekend getaway that ive been waiting i'll work on it then, and at least be done with ch 2 of the story...sorry ^_^

If winners never quit, and quitters never win, who made the saying "Quit while you''re still ahead"?


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« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2003, 01:06:15 PM »
Have A Relaxing Vacation

Relish is at your command!
"Hello Kitty is cool, but I like Keroppi the best."

« Reply #10 on: August 27, 2003, 05:06:51 PM »
Chapter 2 Part: 1 A Tyrant’s Decision

“Bowser, we have just received notice that Peach’s castle has completely disappeared!” These words rang through Bowser’s head. He immediately thought that this was his chance to attack and finally take over Mushroom Kingdom. He also knew he needed a bride, which was, when he took over the Mushroom Kingdom, going to be Peach, but that was only she was Princess . The thought of marrying and having children with her was disturbing…he shuddered at the thought of it. “We must take advantage of this and attack NOW!!” With everyone stricken with grief, not many people would be in mental shape to fight back and defend the Mushroom Kingdom. “Gather the troops, we strike tomorrow!!!”

“Mario, how could Bowser make the castle completely disappear? I don’t even think the powers of a million magikoopa’s could do that!” Luigi was getting annoyed at Mario’s stubbornness, he wouldn’t have anything else than Bowser’s head on a silver platter. “I have to save Peach! I know Bowser did it! There is no one else who could’ve done it! He could’ve figured out how to get past Star Haven’s security again and take the wand!” Hearing these words, Luigi had to say one last thing. “Why don’t you go to Star Road and ask first, so you don’t make the mistake of kicking Bowser’s butt for no reason! It wouldn’t be morally right!” Luigi hoped Mario would check it out, but, Mario not answering, just used his spare feather (he made sure he always had one) and took off into the clear blue sky.

Mario saw Bowser’s castle in the distance, and no sign of Peach’s. The one other thing Mario saw was Bowser readying a whole army of Para-koopas, goombas and any other type of bad guys you can think of. Seeing this Mario immediately landed and took off toward the nearest star pad. On the way back in the other direction, Mario noticed a little group of koopas and at one point he almost got spotted by 3 dozen Para-koopas, he was very fortunate. Mario knew that Bowser would act, especially since he took the princess, and every one in their mourning, as if Peach had died. But Mario knew her better than that, she wouldn’t go off and just die…he would have heard from Twink anyway. He was thinking about what Luigi said. He didn’t understand why Luigi always had to think things through.

« Reply #11 on: August 27, 2003, 07:07:13 PM »
oh, and the vacation was relaxing...well, it's kinda short, but hey look at the bright side, there's a part 2 coming don't get disinterested yet!

If winners never quit, and quitters never win, who made the saying "Quit while you''re still ahead"?


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« Reply #12 on: August 27, 2003, 08:11:06 PM »
Your story is good, and, uh, gesundheit.

Why do we drink COW milk?  Who was the guy who said, "I think I''ll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze ''em!"?
"Hello Kitty is cool, but I like Keroppi the best."

« Reply #13 on: August 28, 2003, 09:42:22 PM »
keep up the good work
Suicide:The answer to all life''s problems!

« Reply #14 on: September 14, 2003, 03:04:54 PM »
sorry swamped with it could be between 2 weeks and 2 months before i get to work on my story

If winners never quit, and quitters never win, who made the saying "Quit while you''re still ahead"?