Print

Author Topic: Nintendo Vs. GTW  (Read 1461 times)

Luigison

  • Old Person™
« on: January 16, 2003, 09:00:33 PM »
Since so many people here were bringing back old topic, I thought I would bring back an old Court Case.

Nintendo Lawsuit

Contributed by Matt in Gamecube on Monday, August 6, 2001 at 4:02:06 PM


Nintendo Lawsuit

Game Asylum recently learned that Nintendo is currently in court with the GTW (Geometry Teachers of the World) disputing over the name of their upcoming console the Nintendo Gamecube. We now take you live to the court proceedings.

Bailiff: All parties involved in the Nintendo vs. GTW please come forward; the honorable Judge Judy will be presiding.
Judge Judy: Yeah, sit down and shut up, which of you stupid lawyers is going first?
GTW Lawyer: I will your honor.
Judge Judy: I bet you will. Now hurry up and get this crap over with. What brings you to trial against Nintendo?
GTW Lawyer: We filed a lawsuit against Nintendo for false advertisement with their upcoming console, the Nintendo Gamecube.
Judge Judy: Sounds like a good trial *gets out popcorn*. Lets get this ***** started, who’s your first witness?
GTW Lawyer: I call to the stand, Nintendo president, Hiroshi Yamauchi.

Judge Judy: Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Hiroshi Yamauchi: Yes.
Judge Judy: *sigh* Does anyone EVER say “No”? Very well, proceed.
GTW Lawyer: It seems Nintendo has a history of illegal activities. For instance, many small mushroom type creatures and small turtles have approached us. They complained that they had been stomped numerous times because of Nintendo and their utter disrespect for other living beings. The only thing that kept these little guys from filing a lawsuit for defamation of character was the large amount of cash paid under the table by Nintendo. Do you have any knowledge of this Mr. Yamauchi?
Nintendo Lawyer: Objection! Your honor, this is irrelevant to this case.
Judge Judy: Yeah, but it makes for good television, so sit down and shut the hell up or I’ll have you thrown out of my courtroom, b’yatch. Answer the question Yamauchi.
Yamauchi: Yes, that is true, but…
GTW Lawyer: Tell me, what are the exact measurements for the Gamecube?
Yamauchi: Hmm, I believe they are 4.3 inches by 5.9 inches by 6.3 inches.



GTW Lawyer: So you would agree that that the system is not actually a cube, because all of the sides are not the same length?
Yamauchi: Well I suppose it isn't a perfect cube...
GTW Lawyer: No sir, it isn’t a cube at all.
Yamauchi: Ok, ok, I admit it isn't a cube at all, but it didn't look right as a perfect cube...
GTW Lawyer: That’s not the point, this is false advertisement and you know it.
Yamauchi: No! It’s just a catchy name for the console...
GTW Lawyer: No further questions your honor.

Judge Judy: Does the Nintendo lawyer wish to cross-examine the witness?
Nintendo Lawyer: No sir, erm…mam.
Judge Judy: Good, now who will be testifying next?
GTW Lawyer: A representative from the GTW will now testify.
Judge Judy: Very well, get your ass up here. Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?
GTW Representative: Yes.
GTW Lawyer: What is your profession?
GTW Representative: I am a High School Geometry Teacher.
GTW Lawyer: Is the Nintendo Gamecube actually a cube?
GTW Representative: No sir, it is a rectangular prism, anyone with even limited knowledge of Geometry can see so.
GTW Lawyer: So in saying Gamecube is a cube, Nintendo is lying?
GTW Representative: Yes, they are lying and it is misleading to the consumer.
GTW Lawyer: No further questions.

Judge Judy: Does the defense wish to cross-examine?
Nintendo Lawyer: No.
Judge Judy: Does the GTW have any more witnesses to call upon?
GTW Lawyer: No, your honor.
Judge Judy: Does Nintendo have any witnesses to call?
Nintendo Lawyer: Yes, we call Mario to the stand.
Judge Judy: All right, Mario, do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Mario: Momma mia! Of course!
Judge Judy: That was…different. Proceed in questioning the witness.
Nintendo Lawyer: What is your name?
Mario: It’s a me! Mario!
Nintendo Lawyer: Why do you think Nintendo called their new system the Nintendo Gamecube, as opposed to the “Nintendo Rectangular Prism” or the “Nintendo Looks Kind of Like a Cube But Isn’t Really a Cube”?
Mario: Well I suppose it’s because those names sound stupid.
Nintendo Lawyer: Of course, but the GTW wants to go around suing people for naming things incorrectly whether a correct term would sound stupid or not. Why not sue Ovaltine for shipping their product in a cylindrical container instead of in an Oval?
Mario: I wouldn’t be surprised if they did.
Nintendo Lawyer: It needs to stop here, we can’t allow them to make money off of every company who wants to give their products a catchy name, even if the names aren’t technically correct.
Mario: I agree wholeheartedly.
Nintendo Lawyer: No further questions your honor.

Judge Judy: Does the GTW wish to cross-examine?
GTW Lawyer: Yes. Mario, where do you work?
Mario: Nintendo!
GTW Lawyer: Ah, of course, so working at Nintendo, wouldn’t that cause your view of this situation to be slanted towards the Nintendo side.
Mario: I stand by what I said, and I would no matter where I worked.
GTW Lawyer: I’m sure you would. No further questions
Judge Judy: Very well, step down Mario.
Mario: Okie Dokie!

Judge Judy: Are there any more witnesses?
Nintendo Lawyer: No.
Judge Judy: Good, that means it’s time to make my ruling. I would like to start by saying this is the stupidest trial I’ve ever been in charge of. Well, except the trial between the Homo***uals of America and the Old Farts Association over what the true definition of “gay” is. Anyways, I have decided that Nintendo can keep their console its planned size, and keep the name “Gamecube.” However, they will be required to pay the GTW a royalty fee of 18 cents per 100,000 consoles sold. Now get out of my courtroom, you asses.

Well that’s the trial everyone, Game Asylum is now going to take interviews from both parties regarding the judges ruling.

Game Asylum: Nintendo, what do you think of the ruling?
Nintendo: We believe it was fair. We would also like to take this time to tell everyone that the Nintendo Gamecube will be on sale November 5, 2001 for a retail of $199. That is $100 less than the other two consoles on the market, and there will be many great games available for purchase…
Game Asylum: Ok, enough of the shameless advertising, sheesh.
Nintendo: Sorry.
Game Asylum: GTW, what do you think of the ruling?
GTW: We are ecstatic! We can get ourselves new pocket protectors with each shipment of our 18 cents! If we save it all up we might even be able to purchase a calculator!
Game Asylum: Sounds great. Well it seems both sides are happy with the judge’s decision. Now lets see what Judge Judy has to say. Judge Judy! Judge Judy! Can we ask you a few questions?
Judge Judy: No! Go f**k yourself.

Written by Matthew Kellar (mattstockton12@gameasylum.net)
Inspired by Adam Nichols (psx_cheatster@gameasylum.net)

Edited by - Luigison on 1/16/2003 7:04:57 PM
“Evolution has shaped us with perceptions that allow us to survive. But part of that involves hiding from us the stuff we don’t need to know."

Print