Is this topic supposed to be about how to usea computer, or about the Internet and its culture? If it's about the latter, I need a lot of help. Just a few days ago, a friend of mine told me one of his favorite expressions: "Want some 1337 sauce on your n00b cake?" I asked him what 1337 sauce tasted like, and where I could get a n00b cake.
If that isn't proof of how much help I need, I don't know what is. :P