I dreamed that I was semi-watching, semi-participating in some kind of Simpsons episode. (though it was really only a Simpsons episode because my mind said so) Someone dragged a police car by the side mirror into the appliance section of a department store, demanding that it be fixed since it was on the last day of its warranty. The security guard in charge said he should have come in yesterday, and his only hope was if he needed some small part that he could look for on the open market. The kid dragging the car threw a cup of water at the guard's poorly hidden camcorder and ran off down the aisles, at which point I became him. I stopped in one aisle, unable to tell which side the guard was coming at me from. Finally he showed up, and I ran the other way, toward some tall cylinders of laundry detergent. When I squirted them, they shot out in ribbons of liquid that hung in the air for a while. The kid (who suddenly wasn't me) told the guard that all these liquids were legal to ingest, so he wouldn't get in trouble for killing the guard with them. I pointed out, floating away disembodiedly until I occupied a position similar to the one I was actually sleeping in, that while that may be true, it is illegal in most places to force someone to ingest something against their will. Mary-Kate and Ashley then showed up, asking if it was illegal to squirt either whipped cream or shaving cream onto people. They then did so to me briefly, with the same ribboning-then-falling effect the detergent had had, and walked away, one telling the other that shaving cream would be messier. Then they got covered in frosting and went to my house, where the dog tried to lick some of the frosting off. But this wasn't my dog, even though it had the same name, instead it was a much shorter one with longer hair. Apparently we were trying to retcon this dog's existence, because at this time we still should have had the old dog. Later, I noticed that the dog was different again, this time some sort of cross between a rottweiler and a weiner dog who had to be pulled away from other dogs by its neck. My mom then explained that we were test-driving several dogs in sequence to replace our old dog. I said I liked the last one better, and she told me about one they'd had earlier which was really bad, mainly because he cheated on his wife by holding a toy ark in a bathtub. I saw the discovery of this play out as though it was a recreation by some photographer who got it to work by filling the periodicals section in my college library with water and tying the animals down under the water until she needed the shot of them escaping. At this point, the dog in question was a cat.
Also, it should be pointed out that despite any implications of my description, the parts with Mary-Kate and Ashley were not at all sexual.
