Mailbag
14 Dec 2001

J.J. Filibuster

Got something you want us to answer next week? Send it to tmk_mailbag@kontek.net.

Dear TMK,
I recently had a discussion with a co-worker of mine, let's call him "Moron". We were talking about the current game systems and he was talking about how the Xbox was indefintily superior to the Gamecube and the PS2 would eventually run Nintendo out of business, yada yada yada. Anyway, I was ignoring him and was playing the Smash Bros demo when "Moron" said he thought that Mario was old, Mario sucked, Nintendo should just get rid of Mario, and they should've done so ten years ago. I then proceeded to call him a total moron, with a few creative uses of the "f" word, then beat him savagely with the big clunky Xbox controller (okay, maybe I didn't do that last part).
Anyway, did I over-react, or is he really a total, pathetic, Microsoft-loving loser?
-Josh Nickerson

J.J.: Geez, why do you care so much about what some other person thinks? You don't work for Nintendo. It makes absolutely no difference what system this guy buys, so get over it!

Dear TMK:

In the last week's mailbag, Quick Man, asked if David thought, to make it simple, if any Mega Man character should appear in SSBM. His reply: "No. They are not Nintendo characters." Now, for the most part, I think he must have meant that they weren't Nintendo owned. Because if he meant: "They used to be on Nintendo systems but they went to PSX so now they suck!" I've got some info for him.

Being a Mario fan he should realize that even Mario wasn't always on Nintendo systems. I think he appeared on ColecoVision and the CD-I. So if he's thinking that way, he can take all the Mario characters out of Melee.

Next, many people don't even -know- this but: 3 Zelda games were released on CD-I: Link: The Faces of Evil, Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon, and Zelda's Adventure. So now you can remove the Zelda characters from the game.

Take out Donkey Kong, as he also appeared on Atari and ColecoVision.

(Correct me if I'm wrong) If I'm right, Pokémon doesn't belong to Nintendo. It belongs to Game Freak and/or Creatures, Inc. I do think Nintendo has some endorsement rights, but that doesn't make them Nintendo characters. So take them out.

Kirby is made by HAL Labs. I don't believe they are owned by Nintendo, so take him out.

So for the starting lineup of the new Melee:
Samus
Falcon
Ness
Ice Climbers
Fox

Thats it. Well, except for the secret characters of course:
Prince Marth
Roy
Mr. Game and Watch

Looks like its turning out to be a great game.

I am a fan of the Mega Man series and offended to think that someone wouldn't consider him a part of the Nintendo family. He has appeared in at least 20 games on Nintendo systems. (English and Japanese). He has appeared in only 8 PSX titles so far. (English and Japanese), and only 4 SEGA games. I think this -still- makes him a firm Nintendo character. And if Capcom's recent moves haven't shown you anything, they seem to be heading back to Nintendo, so we probably will see him in a SSB game soon.
-Some Goober

J.J.: Joe Clark was Canada's greatest Prime Minister because he could not make deals with the Quebec Social Credit Party and lost a confidence vote in Parliament.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was the part of the mailbag where we make illogical arguements for no reason.

Dear whoever is answering the mailbag:

1. We need a new contest for the Arena section. How bout whoever draws the best Mario Paint picture wins?

2. How long has Nintendo been in business? I knew that before they started making video games they made playing cards and stuff, but when did they start?

3. Is Deezer related to Weezer? ;)
-Block

J.J.:

1. What do you mean "we"?

2. The company that is now know as Nintendo was original founded in the late 19th century.

3. Ooh, I hope you didn't hurt your brain thinking up that gem.

Dear TMK,

WARNING WARNING WARNING!!!! TO ANYBODY READING THIS ON THE MAILBAG PAGE IT CONTAINS INFORMATION ABOUT THE SECRET CHARACTERS IN SSBM!!!!! [the rest of this letter is just a long rambling paragraph about various characters in Smash Bros. The writer attempts to be witty but failes miserably]
Please tune in next week for even more pointless dribble.
-The Great Master

J.J.: No, I don't think I will.

One: A. Are SSB & SSBM just all fighting or do they have side-scrolling levels similar to the 2D Mario Games? I just don't understand what else is there besides the fighting. I just don't like fighting games that much. B. Am I the only person that doesn't know?
Two: Not a question: The McDonald's Under 3 Mario toy I was referring to a while ago is basically a larger version of the springy Raccoon Mario toy... without the spring.
Three: Why in the world would someone not like Peach? (Especially her SSBM render.) She looks really attr...uhh...well designed in there. Too bad she's not a real person. Well... good thing she's not or I'd have a problem on my hands. I hope she is that... well rendered in the next Mario adventure game! (If she's in that... I hope so.)
Four: No question either: I do not like PS/PS2/XBox because there are almost NO GOOD GAMES!! (Have you realized that) (And the fact that they're not half as good as Nintendo stuff all around) (In my opinion)
Five: No question: My thoughts: Just get Luigi's Mansion and Super Smash Bros. Melee, everybody! And, why would anyone want to put Sonic in a Mario game?
Six: Not a question either: You guys run a truly great site and I thank you for answering my questions and stuff on this good idea (couldn't think of anything else) of a mailbag.
-chuppersoN weirD

J.J.: Okay, this letter was too long as well, but at least it had a few sentences that could be vaguely interpreted as questions.

1- Smash Bros. Melee has some "one player" levels that vary from setting to setting. Each one is kinda like a watered-down version of the actual game. For example, The Mushroom Kingdom setting involves running around and jumping on Goombas, etc. etc.

2- Why do you people even number them if they're not questions? OY!

3- Let's hope they never make life-size Peach dolls, or most of the people who send letters into this mailbag may never come out of their rooms again.

hey uh why is marios and luigis last name mario? is that someting you gus made up?
-Critter

J.J.: No, it's actually a widely known Mario fact. Since Mario and Luigi are the "Mario Brothers" their last names must be Mario, the same way Joe and Bob Spenelli are the "Spenelli Brothers".

Dear TMk,
J.J. your letters are too mean and I think you are trying to overcompensate for your obvious homosexual tendancies.
-Dylan

J.J.: Woah, sounds like my horoscope.