Nah, he's busy attributing Take Two's failure to divine intervention.
**WARNING: SHADOWBRAIN BEING HIMSELF**
I grow weary of these lists telling me what games I should like in 2009. If you're interested in a title, you'll probably already be counting down the days until its release without Edge Online or GamesRadar page-hit-mongering with a combination of recycled hype and one screenshot per. Now, I like a list or two, if only to get collect my senses (and my money) before drafting a "To-Play" list, and I know it's important to keep up with the eJoneses, but it always smacks of having nothing better to write about in late December and, especially in the case of the Wii, scrounging to justify a console purchase. That being said, here's my minimally researched, just-to-get-it-off-my-chest analysis (I believe I've done this before) of some of the Games I'm Supposed to Care About in 2009:
Blue Dragon Plus
Obviously, I never played the original, but I heard that, despite Akira Toriyama's character design, it was meh. It (and its predecessor) could be good, but a blurrier sequel to a game that didn't interest me in the first place won't exactly find its way to the top of my DS games stack.
Cave Story
I've heard plenty of praise for this one, but I'd be more inclined to consider it if the developers spent less time blogging pics of less-ugly sprites and more not relying on the "it's indie so it must be awesome" mentality to buoy its sales. Good, great, or otherwise, though, my lack of perpetual Wi-Fi, the questionable cost (and difficulty of purchasing therein) of WiiWare, and the shrinking space in my Wiifridgerator means a game has got to be pretty dang good before I'll move the pointer over to "Download" (it doesn't help this one's case any that you can get, more or less, the same game for free on the PC).
The Conduit
With the graphics and overall nature of this game sending desperate Wii fanboys into epileptic fits of "I-told-you-so's", let me just step in and say that 1) It took six months to find a publisher and 2) How many people actually know what it's about? Granted, it could be great, but I'm not much of a shooter fan either way. In the end, I can't tell whether it's ironic or sad that this game is like that Coke bottle in The Gods Must Be Crazy: There's generic shooters out the you-know-what on the 360/PS3, but the minute one falls on the Wii the internets are ablaze with glee (and, if you've seen that movie, you know what happens to that bottle).
Deadly Creatures
Though Rainbow Studios may have threatened to go back to crappy minigame collections if this one tanks, I'm not biting. Fact of the matter is, it just looks like one of those unambitious titles a lame developer tosses out every blue moon to make themselves seem relevant. That alone isn't enough to [darn] it as a purchase, but premise is corny and, let's face it, it does not bode well when your game's main selling point is voice acting by Billy Bob Thornton. The final, albeit somewhat irrelevant, nail in the coffin: It reminds me way too much of one of those over-the-top fake games kids play on TV shows and movies (primarily, that one in the "Above the Influence" print ad that looks like someone wrote on an article).
Dead Rising: Chop Till You Drop
First things first: My wallet and I have imposed a moratorium on any "Jr." ports of PS3/360 games. In this case, sure, some of the irksome features of the original have been fixed, and the core game is probably fine (nevermind the fact that the picture-taking feature has been nixed), but it's hard to say whether the feeling you get from buying a technologically inferior version of a four-year-old game is cheaper or costlier than buying the original and/or the console its on (I've neither).
Dragon Quest XI
As a fan of the series (I really couldn't tell you why, other than that I grew up with old copies of Dragon Warrior I, III, and IV and their countless fold-out maps), I'd definitely consider this one. However, with my experience with the series limited to (as seen in parentheses) perhaps-exaggerated childhood memories, a keen understanding of its power in Japan, and Dragon Quest: Rocket Slime, I may wish to give VIII et al a shot before I blow $30+ on a game for a system I don't use anymore.
Endless Ocean 2
So it's a sequel to a pointless game that was a spiritual successor to two other pointless PS2 games that Nintendo offered to publish a threequal to and act like it was all their idea? Next!
Fatal Frame IV
Why Nintendo is publishing the fourth game in a survival horror series that has never been on any of their consoles when the most mature thing they've endorsed in recent memory is Kirby Super Star Ultra we may never know. Me personally, I (once again, obviously) didn't play the first three, and survival horror's not my thing. Sadly, even when Nintendo publishes this sort of title, it's hard to say they're appealing directly to their core gamers; it's more like they're trying to appeal to Sony-loyal core gamers so they'll buy a Wii.
Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon
Never cared for the series, as strategy's not my thing and it's always looked screamingly generic. But oh, look, instead of, say "Dragon Shadow", it's "Shadow Dragon". Someone head down to the Hanes depot because that just blew my socks off.
Fragile
In a sense, the companion game to The Conduit: An ever-delayed Wii-Savior that not a whole lot of people actually understand. Heck, even I don't think I'm qualified to lambast this one, other than the fact that post-apocalyptic settings and sinister fog aren't exactly original plot gimmicks. Nevermind (but I probably won't buy it anyway).
Ghostbusters
It's interesting how the excitement over a licensed game in often in inverse proportion to how recently the film in question has been released (see: The Godfather game) or the film's prestige (see: Watchmen). Ghostbusters was good, and the previous games were bad, and... I'm just trying to figure out where all the hype for this one is coming from. Talk of a new movie has been hovering like, well, a ghost, but that's not going to make me shell out.
Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars
For those into GTA and brushing cobwebs out of your DS's card slot, go nuts, but I've never found the appeal of the series. Before, it was "You're an angry minority: Shoot, drive, be near a prostitute, repeat." Now, it's "You're an angry minority in poor graphics: Shoot, drive, deal drugs, repeat."
Henry Hatsworth in The Puzzling Adventure
Puzzles on the touchscreen? A title and protagonist that brings to mind that European vacation a few years ago? Professor Layton called; he wants his gimmick back. (yes, I'm aware it's a platformer)
House of the Dead: Overkill
The Wii was born to host cheap light-gun games, and the introduction of the Wii Zapper (First-party-supported by one game, mind you, but maybe that's a good thing) did nothing to stem the flow. Lo and behold, another entry in a too-many-zombies series best enjoyed when played a quarter per game.
Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days
I know it's stupid, but the nonsense name is really all that's making me not consider this game. Well, that and the fact that the amount of spinoffs the series has had sort of turns me off. Still, I'm looking to get ahold of the first two someday, so if I like those... we'll see.
Little King's Story
Growing up watching the Wii and DS become what they have, I've learned to ignore most games with "Little", "King", or "Story" in their name. And wouldn't you know it...
MadWorld
Another one no one'll shut up about. I'm not saying it's bad, and I guess I'm glad someone grew a pair and made a Wii game without any neon colors in it for a change, but let's look at the big picture, shall we? Red, white, and black carnage? Frank Miller beat you to it. Chainsaw massacre? Evil Dead, Gears of War, and countless horror media would like to have a word with you. Hand-welded weapons? Well... no wonder Project HAMMER never came out. Okay, so maybe it's not original, but even if it was, violence for the sake of violence has never been my cup of tea. I doubt this is the case, but I almost feel like it's one of those things where someone sarcastically overreacts when you complain about something: "Oh, you're sick of casual games? Here, take this! You can impale a guy with a f***ing roadsign!"
Mario & Luigi 3
The first rocked and the second was meh, so it's anyone's guess as to how this one'll turn out. I've discussed it on the thread or two devoted to it, but I'll recap: A playable Bowser and going inside something's body aren't going to win "Innovation of the Year" awards, so I hope to see some other story hook soon besides that and the bloated Toads.
Monster Hunter 3
As I said in regards to FFIV, an exclusive iteration in a previously PS2-only series I've yet to experience or have any interest in. It's going to have to earn my respect!
Muramasa: The Demon Blade
You see that boat fading into the horizon? It's Games That Take Place in Ancient Japan and/or Games That Look Hand-Drawn. That ship has sailed, with Okami taking up the whole top deck.
New Play Control! Series
Calm down, now--there's no need for Engrish and superfluous exclamation points. Moving on, I've expressed my opinion on this before, but for fairness's sake I'll say it again: While I guess there's nothing inherently wrong with futzing with GCN classics for the casual crowd, don't even think that 1)These can take the place of new games until late Spring, 2)These can take the place of new games in their respective series, and 3) I'm willing to pay $40 to play DK:JB again, only easier and with worse controls (how do you clap, again?).
OneChanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad
OneChanbara, twoChanbara, threeChanbara, four/fourChanbaras make a bunch and so do many more. ...Now that I've got that out of my system, excuse me for being hesitant about a game (also being released on the 360) considered simple in Japan. As for the game(play) itself, bikini girls rock, as do samurais, but I can't help but feel the combination (anybody look in the general direction of the Dead or Alive movie when it came out?) is like air-dumping melted Velveeta on a field of maize: It's corny, it's cheesy, and you can't help but wonder what your mother might think.
Phantasy Star Zero
Another franchise I think I may like if I tried it but never got into. However, the DS is simultaneously the best and worst place to introduce yourself to a series, so... nah, don't think I will.
Pokémon Platinum
Already have the original, though I suppose that was a stupid decision (c'mon, you're retarded if you didn't see this coming). Even if I did make a habit of buying "the third Pokemon" every "generation", a wormier Giratina, a doggier Shaymin, and some effed-up 3-D dimension isn't worth another $30.
Professor Layton and Pandora's Box/The Last Time Travel
Two sequels announced at once... plan ahead much? With my dislike of most puzzlers and "Aw, what the hey, might as well publish it" Nintendo games, I try my best to ignore this series (even when my brother, embarassed, got the original on Easter from our Grandma because, to paraphrase, "a bunch of kids's parents love it".), which is admittedly difficult considering its fugly art and sales charts notoriety.
Punch-Out!!
I might, just might care about this game if there wasn't already Wii Boxing and multiple other boxing minigames/games on the Wii. Also, do you hear that? It's the sound of Nintendo farming out development again to someone else who, apparently, isn't swamped with making electronic cookbooks and virtual flutes. People praised the post-E3 Nintendo conference for giving us what we didn't get "then", and things like S&P2 (below) and this definitely have potential, but it's not a true victory for the traditional gamer until the Big N puts their idle hands (and maybe their money) where their mouth is. And just for the record, is it two exclamation points or three?
Red Steel 2
As I understand it, the original blew, and I can't see how whacking goons with 1:1 is going to help close that wound. Whether it does or not, though, I've promised myself to not buy any Ubisoft games after they actually came out and said that they would deliberately make near-only casual crap on the Wii/DS. Last one looked pretty generic too, anyway.
Rhythm Heaven
Lo, a game I may consider! Then again, I already own my fair share of music/rhythm games and WarioWare games (I believe this game is often considered a combination of the two)... Well, at least they brought it Stateside for those interested.
Scribblenauts
Drawn to Life, brief and (core gameplay-wise) crude though it was, featured an awesome gimmick I'm amazed no one else had yet done. As for Lock's Quest, it didn't seem like my thing, but this... well, clever concept, but I can almost hear, in the future, the cries of frustrated gamers as their writing of "pen" is constantly interpreted as "pan", and so on. If someone else had it, I might give it a whirl, but I wouldn't save up for it.
Sin and Punishment 2
If you're describing a game to me, I stop listening the minute the word "on-rails" pops up. Still, I've heard considerable praise for the VC-exclusive (in the States) original, but as I mentioned earlier, getting Wii Shop stuff can be a hassle. Maybe if I've got ten spare dollars some day I'll try out the original and get back to you.
Sonic and the Black Knight
Oh, joy, another Sonic game. Now he's got a sword. Will this be the one that brings him back on top? Tune in next week, when they try again!
Tenchu 4
See last comment(s) about ex-PS2 series I've never played.
Wii Sports Resort
Oh, what fine luck the alphabetically-last game is also the most-likely worst. Granted, my expectations for it are irrevocably shattered after the aforementioned debacle that was E3 '08, but even with those memories surgically removed--trust me, I'm about ready to do it myself--I'd feel naught but ill will towards this one. Another day, another unoriginal, boring-in-an-hour-unless-you-play-it-a-month-later-with-inept-relatives non-game packaged with a peripheral to be overused twice and then shelved, eh? (Actually, I shouldn't be so harsh on MotionPlus. After all, the N64 had the Expansion Pak... but at least it released with Majora's Mask)
**WARNING: SHADOWBRAIN BEING HIMSELF**