A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!"
His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?"
"No, I couldn't find her head."
I was walking down a street when the woman infront of me dropped her bags. She asked me for help.
"Of course I'll help," I said to her, "With how beautiful you are, I bet you can get a man to do anything."
She giggled and flirted back by touching my arm and saying, "With how strong you are, I bet you can get a woman to do anything."
I laughed and said, "Yes, I can actually."
Then I r...you can guess.
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.
"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
Silence fell... then everyone turned to the masochist and asked:
"So, what's it gonna be?"
To which he replied, "Meow!"
What did the necrophiliac say to the paedophile?
"After you."
who lost?