14 Dec 2001
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I recently had a discussion with a co-worker of mine, let's call him "Moron". We were talking about the current game systems and he was talking about how the Xbox was indefintily superior to the Gamecube and the PS2 would eventually run Nintendo out of business, yada yada yada. Anyway, I was ignoring him and was playing the Smash Bros demo when "Moron" said he thought that Mario was old, Mario sucked, Nintendo should just get rid of Mario, and they should've done so ten years ago. I then proceeded to call him a total moron, with a few creative uses of the "f" word, then beat him savagely with the big clunky Xbox controller (okay, maybe I didn't do that last part).
Anyway, did I over-react, or is he really a total, pathetic, Microsoft-loving loser?
J.J.: Geez, why do you care so much about what some other person thinks? You don't work for Nintendo. It makes absolutely no difference what system this guy buys, so get over it!
In the last week's mailbag, Quick Man, asked if David thought, to make
it simple, if any Mega Man character should appear in SSBM. His reply:
"No. They are not Nintendo characters." Now, for the most part, I
think he must have meant that they weren't Nintendo owned. Because if he
meant: "They used to be on Nintendo systems but they went to PSX so now
they suck!" I've got some info for him.
Being a Mario fan he should realize that even Mario wasn't always on
Nintendo systems. I think he appeared on ColecoVision and the CD-I. So
if he's thinking that way, he can take all the Mario characters out of
Next, many people don't even -know- this but: 3 Zelda games were
released on CD-I: Link: The Faces of Evil, Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon,
and Zelda's Adventure. So now you can remove the Zelda characters from
Take out Donkey Kong, as he also appeared on Atari and ColecoVision.
(Correct me if I'm wrong) If I'm right, Pokémon doesn't belong to
Nintendo. It belongs to Game Freak and/or Creatures, Inc. I do think
Nintendo has some endorsement rights, but that doesn't make them
Nintendo characters. So take them out.
Kirby is made by HAL Labs. I don't believe they are owned by Nintendo,
so take him out.
So for the starting lineup of the new Melee:
Thats it. Well, except for the secret characters of course:
Mr. Game and Watch
Looks like its turning out to be a great game.
I am a fan of the Mega Man series and offended to think that someone
wouldn't consider him a part of the Nintendo family. He has appeared in
at least 20 games on Nintendo systems. (English and Japanese). He has
appeared in only 8 PSX titles so far. (English and Japanese), and only
4 SEGA games. I think this -still- makes him a firm Nintendo character.
And if Capcom's recent moves haven't shown you anything, they seem to be
heading back to Nintendo, so we probably will see him in a SSB game
J.J.: Joe Clark was Canada's greatest Prime Minister because he could not make deals with the Quebec Social Credit Party and lost a confidence vote in Parliament.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was the part of the mailbag where we make illogical arguements for no reason.
Dear whoever is answering the mailbag:
1. We need a new contest for the Arena section. How bout whoever draws the best Mario Paint picture wins?
2. How long has Nintendo been in business? I knew that before they started making video games they made playing cards and stuff, but when did they start?
3. Is Deezer related to Weezer? ;)
1. What do you mean "we"?
2. The company that is now know as Nintendo was original founded in the late 19th century.
3. Ooh, I hope you didn't hurt your brain thinking up that gem.
J.J.: No, I don't think I will.
One: A. Are SSB & SSBM just all fighting or do they have side-scrolling levels similar to the 2D Mario Games? I just don't understand what else is there besides the fighting. I just don't like fighting games that much. B. Am I the only person that doesn't know?
Two: Not a question: The McDonald's Under 3 Mario toy I was referring to a while ago is basically a larger version of the springy Raccoon Mario toy... without the spring.
Three: Why in the world would someone not like Peach? (Especially her SSBM render.) She looks really attr...uhh...well designed in there. Too bad she's not a real person. Well... good thing she's not or I'd have a problem on my hands. I hope she is that... well rendered in the next Mario adventure game! (If she's in that... I hope so.)
Four: No question either: I do not like PS/PS2/XBox because there are almost NO GOOD GAMES!! (Have you realized that) (And the fact that they're not half as good as Nintendo stuff all around) (In my opinion)
Five: No question: My thoughts: Just get Luigi's Mansion and Super Smash Bros. Melee, everybody! And, why would anyone want to put Sonic in a Mario game?
Six: Not a question either: You guys run a truly great site and I thank you for answering my questions and stuff on this good idea (couldn't think of anything else) of a mailbag.
J.J.: Okay, this letter was too long as well, but at least it had a few sentences that could be vaguely interpreted as questions.
1- Smash Bros. Melee has some "one player" levels that vary from setting to setting. Each one is kinda like a watered-down version of the actual game. For example, The Mushroom Kingdom setting involves running around and jumping on Goombas, etc. etc.
2- Why do you people even number them if they're not questions? OY!
3- Let's hope they never make life-size Peach dolls, or most of the people who send letters into this mailbag may never come out of their rooms again.
hey uh why is marios and luigis last name mario? is that someting you gus made up?
J.J.: No, it's actually a widely known Mario fact. Since Mario and Luigi are the "Mario Brothers" their last names must be Mario, the same way Joe and Bob Spenelli are the "Spenelli Brothers".
J.J. your letters are too mean and I think you are trying to overcompensate for your obvious homosexual tendancies.
J.J.: Woah, sounds like my horoscope.