10 Jun 2003

Mailbag by J.J.

Better than you
Got something you want us to answer next time? Send it in!

    I'll make this short... What ever happend to J.J.??
    - Nathan

J.J.: Hello again friends, it is I, J.J. back to answer some e-mails. I've been away for a long time because I got so sick of you people and your stupid ignorant questions. However, I soon realized that my absence had allowed you to grow complacent, with that chummy David Dayton and his one line answers.

Now for the questions!

    Hi there. Somewhere, I forget where, I read that Super Mario RPG was released for N64. IS THIS TRUE???

J.J.: You sir, are a moron. But I guess that can be expected from an AOL user.

    I was reading your site's bug section for SMB. and I noticed something. You said that it is impossible to make it past -1. Well, earlier on, I found this website, [link deleted]. Now it says that you can get past -1 and go on to -2 and face to Goomba King, from Paper Mario. Do you know if this is real?


J.J.: You're an even bigger moron than the last guy. I will never forgive you for wasting precious seconds of my life with that trash website and its hollow lies.

    Would you PLEASE answer this question for me? I'm dying to know: Who on earth is Bowser Jr.? Is he a koopaling? Some other website said that he is Ludwig Von Koopa as a baby, and since he is going to be in upcoming games are the other koopalings going to form and angry mob and go on strike? In Super Mario Sunshine Bowser dose call Bowser Jr. "son" but in Super Smash Brothers Melee it states that Bowser has seven, not eight children.
    - Paratroopa

J.J.: People often assume there are magical answers to questions like these. Well there aren't. Mario and his friends are fictional characters who have appeared in numerous games made by numerous different production crews. For various reasons the characters cannot always be consistent in every game, and thus continuity errors often occur. The Koopa Kids appear to be one such error. Though they had an important role to play in SMB3 and SMW, these days they have apparently been largely forgotten, and the various "Baby Bowsers" have taken their place. I doubt the production crews, or even Miyamito himself for that matter are even remotely concerned by the ways their games contradict each other, so neither should you.

    You guys have a great site here! I was wondering, is Nintendo ever going to create any new kinds of original Mario games? I mean kind of like the old games like Super Mario Bros. 3 and Super Mario World? Just new ideas or something. I noticed that Super Mario Advanced 4 SMB3 has some new stuff to it, could Nintendo be just redoing the old games instead? Final question is, could you give me some info about Paper Mario for Game Cube and Mario & Luigi for the GBA? Thanx!

    BTW, I am the Jr. President of the United States of America ( Prez. Bush rules! Do you like him? )

J.J.: Dear Mr. Jr. President,

Nintendo appears to dislike making new Mario games, and instead prefers to milk all existing Mario game cash cows until blood comes out. Whenever a new Mario game is made, it is usually some sort of strange spin-off, such as Paper Mario or something involving Wario that no one plays. I mean honestly, does anyone play those Wario games? We're up to what, Wario World 7 now?

President Bush does indeed rule, I understand he rules most of America. I live in Canada, so I don't know much about these complicated American political matters.

    Your site rocks, so I want to tell you that I found 2 Dr. Mario cameos:

    1. In the Super Mario World episode "King Scoopa Koopa", near the end, when Mario destroyed King Koopa's burger store (The burgers were turning everyone into Chickadactyls), he said "Now go home and eat your vegetables, Dr. Mario's orders!"

    2. In Paper mario, after Mario defeats Fuzzipede in the whale's stomach, the whale said "They should call you Dr. Mario!"

    -Bob Jindra

J.J.: WOW! AMAZING! A Mario cameo in a Mario game and Mario TV show??!! Will wonders never cease?!

    Hey there. I have a U.S. box art of Super Mario Bros 3, and there is something I have never seen before. I have a picture of a back of the box. See in the red circle, there's a level I have never seen. Isn't that odd? I'm not sure what level or world is it at. What do you think?
    -Johns Program

J.J.: I think there is a shocking lack of common sense among mail bag contributers. I assume that level was some sort of rejected stage that never made it into the final version of SMB3. I also assume this question has repeatedly been answered in past mailbags, although to tell the truth I rarely read the ones I don't write.

    Does E3 happen in the same place every year, or does it travel to a different area each year? If the former, where does it happen?

J.J.: Thank you for your brief and to-the-point question, gamenut. E3 is always held in the same place, Los Angles California.

    (in response to a question about whether there were any Mario games for the PC)

    But what I remember is that Interplay made both Mario Teaches Typing (of course, not a console port I guess) and Mario is Missing for DOS. So, if you didn't know that before (or didn't remember), now you know/remember.

    Thanks for making such an amazingly great and gigantic site over time, it really rocks.

J.J.: Those are not games, genius. Besides, they are both mentioned on the site.

    Hey, Yoshiman here.

    Good E3 coverage. Lots and lots of it!

    Anywho, I got a Mario Reference. Well, a few, if you want to include all of them. They're on the same show, anyways.

    On the Weekenders, you can watch it on Family Channell, [sic] when they all go to the arcade place, often you hear Mario sounds.

    SMB3 Mario Jump
    SMB3 Water Swim
    SMB3 Growing/shrinking/pipe
    SMB3 Coin
    And once, I heard a SMW Cape.

    There's another for ya. Even if the main characters don't play the arcade games, when they're near the arcade machines, those sounds play from others playing them.


J.J.: Honestly, why do you people keep sending us this crap? We don't care if you can hear sound effects that sound vaguely Mario-like in old re-runs of "Step By Step" or whatever trash you happen to be watching.

But I'm not singling you out specifically, Yoshidude. I mean, you watch the Weekenders which is a very cool show. I like the way they always wear different clothes. Later days!

    in the mario super show it was a half an hour show, do you know if the cartoon segment was only half of that or a majority of it. i guess what i am asking is that if downloaded, the cartoon portion would only be around 11 min?

J.J.: I reckon it is about 50/50 or so. If anything is the majority it is the cartoon. But the real life bits are funny too.

    Where is your Goomba Shoe from SMB3, you don't have it in the mario pedia

J.J.: It is called a Kuribo Shoe, not a "Goomba Shoe," stupid.

    As I was playing Super Mario World, I noticed something. I don't know if this tip is up on the site or not, but if you have Yoshi eat an invincible shell or Mario mask (a yellow shell or mask or after an unshelled or unmasked yellow Koopa jumps into it), you gain all the possible Yoshi powers! Yoshi can then fly, stomp, and spit fire. For the best results, use the Green Yoshi. Now I don't know if this tip is already on the site as I stated before, but I thought I'd send in this little trick and that maybe it would interest you. Later.
    -Kitsune Yamato Keitsuken

J.J.: Hmm! Wow! What an amazing trick! I am sure no one except you has ever heard of this super "secret" hidden "trick." Do you have any other brilliant tricks for us? Such as, if Mario gets a mushroom he can grow bigger?

    Question: What's with all the Mario Party sequels? The same concept over and over with improvements is kinda getting annoying.

    (but I still like it)


J.J.: Now now, that last little bit wasn't really necessary. You are allowed to admit if you dislike a Mario game. I agree with you, its really annoying. And stupid. Much like Martina.

    Well, what I wanted to e-mail you about were the Mario teaches Typing games, my school has both of them, and I was able to buy both of them and install them on my PC, and well, there is no difference between the two games. Are you aware of any difference that distinguishes Mario Teaches Typing from Mario Teaches Typing 2?

    Thank you for your time,

J.J.: Mario Teaches Typing 2 has a few gimmicks, like a "magical" keyboard that gives you the names of various characters when you hit the keys (hitting "T" shows Toad, etc) and a giant floating Mario head that yells various things at you. But the basic "games" remain the same.

    For some reason, all the .mid files on your website appear to be just blank. When any of them are played, the file works, but there is no sound or wave signal.

J.J.: Perhaps you should buy a less crappy computer.

So that concludes another epsiode of "J.J.'s mailbag."

I must say, this was a complete and utter disaster. Many e-mails were too stupid to even post, let along publicly mock. I was just mashing the "delete e-mail" button non-stop at one point.

May I end with this word of advice: when you send your e-mails to, STOP PUTTING "MAILBAG" AS THE FREAKING SUBJECT! I mean, geez, the address has the NAME MAILBAG IN IT! I think we know what to expect! Can't you people be a little more creative?

The Mushroom Kingdom \ Mailbag \ 10 Jun 2003
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